I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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