So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
