So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
