Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
