You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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