absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
