sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
