You're my little dorito
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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