I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
