if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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