FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
