How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
