we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
