It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize