I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
