wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
