the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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