No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Fuck appropriateness.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
