do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
