areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
