Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
