Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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