he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
