don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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