I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
In America we eat man semen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
