So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
