You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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