why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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