two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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