i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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