I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
