Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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