I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
