I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's rum buckets o'clock
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
