What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
