I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
