i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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