so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
