his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize