I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
