He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
