Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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