i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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