Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
