But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
