I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i out mim tonsoeep
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