I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
