I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize