Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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