What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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