God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
