I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
