My hair reeks of homosexuality.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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