Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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