Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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