we need to drink 2009 down the drain
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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