I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
