never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
