just tell him i said nine months
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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