party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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