The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
