Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
