Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
