how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
