All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We have started to decorate penises.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
